Sensing Change

From my personal experience, I found that people don’t realize change until it’s already said and done. Like, you don’t really notice yourself going through puberty; you’re suddenly going from a acne-prone tween to a beautiful person. It’s one of those random days where you look back at your own pictures and go, “DAMN! I was ugly.” This was a common sequence of events in my life. I really swore I was cute in the 8th grade. I also really swore that my eyebrows were looking good in the 10th grade. Obviously I was wrong; I looked goofy as hell until about one month ago. But it’s not just me! Many people I know are appalled by their past selves; yet, they never realized the change.

Lately, I’ve been noticing something about myself. I started to notice myself changing. I didn’t set any new years resolutions because I find them kind of corny… In essence they’re just useless rules that people end up breaking anyways. I just told myself several weeks into January that I should be comfortable in my own skin. That’s when I finally accepted the fact that I would have no boobs for the rest of my life. That’s a step I guess. After that, I decided to have my first “photoshoot” in DTLA and honestly, I felt extremely awkward and didn’t even want to take pictures after about thirty minutes. I didn’t know how to pose or what to do with my face. I tried to embrace the feeling of not being comfortable, but I just couldn’t go through with it! I’m sure I could’ve gotten a couple more pictures but I just wasn’t feeling it. Anyways, from that photoshoot (if you could call it that) I realized that my fashion sense and opinions on beauty had changed. I found myself putting on falsies and wearing clothes that I wouldn’t typically wear. Shortly after, I found myself online-shopping with the money I don’t have – again. I felt like I was starting to dress more grown, and more like a woman. I wasn’t looking at comfy mens t-shirts, I was looking at heeled boots! Beyond that, I’m trying to embrace the change in my life.

I was showering when I had an epiphany. People really should embrace change! I noticed myself changing and instead of backtracking, I decided to follow the same path I’ve been going down. When you’re out of your own head, it’s so much easier to leave things out of your control. Instead of thinking, “this shirt is going to look weird on me,” think about how beautiful someone else is going to find you. There’s also importance in gassing your friends/significant other/family up. I had always been distressed about my weight (and still am). While many people would say they’d rather be skinny, I feel that they don’t really know what they’re wishing for. Really, I hate when people ask me if I eat – obviously I eat. I’m not a plant. I can’t be self-sufficient in literally producing my own food. However, with the support of friends and loved ones, I really stopped caring so much about people’s off-putting comments. I’m focusing on myself and leaving things to the universe. I realized change and left it to a higher power. Most of all, I’m embracing it!

I guess the point of this post is to tell you that change is inevitable. Sometimes, it’s best to leave it out of your control. This doesn’t just apply to physical characteristics either; maybe you’re moving somewhere new or developing new friendships. I also know a lot of people that are trying to get out of slumps or extremely trying times. That shouldn’t put a limit on your ability to realize and accept change! I know it’s easier said than done, but I hope this post inspires at least one person to put the idea of change into their mind. I also hope that this is something that’s relatable to a lot of people, because I wish I would’ve been told all of this about two years ago. There are a lot of people scared of change and a lot of people who seek it. Of course it all depends on the person, but from one person to the next, I recommend to accept what comes your way. CHANGE IS OKAY! Embrace it. Accept it. Love it.

Everything happens for a reason, even if things do change.

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